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I am currently on step four and am finding it to be a struggle, but it is important to me so I am not giving up even though sometimes I feel tempted to.
Fortunately my sponsor is there to talk to me when I am feeling overwhelmed.
I printed out the steps so you can read them in case you don’t know what they are.
I finally found a sponsor, and we will start meeting once a week on Tuesdays for lunch. He said they should take about a year to complete on average, but this can vary from person to person.
The kind of conversation outlined in italics above will not save your marriage, but it could be what gets the ball rolling in the right direction. Depending on where you all are, your wife may even get angry or skeptical about why you are suddenly doing this. A formal or clinical disclosure, done with the guidance of a skilled therapist, is a crucial first step to finding recovery in your marriage.
I find these are much more successful when done in the context of a couple’s three day intensive.
I knew from day one about his struggle with alcohol and drugs but he had just gotten his 4 year sobriety chip and attended weekly AA meetings with his sponsor. He would leave flowers on my doorstep, pick me up from work (even though I lived only a few blocks away), take me out all the time. Our first year of marriage brought a lot of ups and downs; J lost his job, we lost our dog, we moved cities after I was accepted into medical school, J got a new job (that he loved), we adopted a new dog, and things were starting to really come together by those last couple months.
Then 2 weeks ago, I came into the bedroom after a long evening of studying.
Hopefully that will help both you and her to have more productive conversations.I was a couple years out of an 8 year relationship and had finally gained all my confidence and independence back.J and I were totally completely honest about our pasts (at least I thought so). He charmed and won over everyone he met, including me. We moved in together officially after 5 months of dating, were engaged after 6, and married almost exactly one year after our first date.I can’t even imagine how painful this has been for you.I don’t know how much you know about 12 step programs like the one I am involved in.